I have ‘issues’. It all started when I was 7 and I had to have an operation. 2 years later, they realised that the operation (removing potentially cancerous lumps in my neck) hasn’t worked that well- they realised I still had a lump in my neck, which had gone unnoticed. I went back into hospital. When I came home I was ill. My parents thought I had the flu. I was off school for about a month, just being ill. All I wanted to do was sleep. I went back into hospital because I wasn’t eating and I felt dizzy; eventually I collapsed and I was sped off to A&E. After coming out of hospital, I never really recovered. Sure, I could walk again and talk properly and I didn’t have to sleep all the time…but I’d lost tons of weight and I didn’t want to eat. I just wanted to drink lots of fizzy drinks. I didn’t really put any weight on. I’ve stayed thin.I still battle with food. I don’t really know why. Sometimes I have bulimic moments when I eat tons and then feel completely disgusting and go and make myself sick. That normally happens when I’m upset. Comfort eating. And then vomiting. And sometimes I just go without food for a long time, and drink caffeine instead. Sometimes all I want to do is have a roll-up cigarette and a can of Diet Coke. People feel sorry for me. My friends know about my past and, even though they don’t fully understand, they go mad if I don’t eat any lunch. I fall out with some of them on a regular basis just because of my diet. Also, one minute, I’m at ease and laughing, and the next I’m smashing things up. I fall out with my family because of those reasons. Sometimes I feel alone. I don’t want your sympathy… but sometimes it’s just nice to talk.
I took the time to type this and then sent it to talk-to-izzy.
You can find the full-length version on the Izzy’s tumblelog. I shortened it a bit before posting so it wasn’t too long.
I’ll never fall out with you about this, Gracie. I love you heaps and Izz, the gang and I will always be there for you when you need us. Smile, babe, it’ll all be alright. :)X
